This election's in the history books. John Kerry concedes.

Three main thoughts are surfacing in my profound disappointment.

(Cue jeramiad music...and lights)

1. Howard Dean, please report to Lost and Found - your party was discovered wandering around dazed and confused.

The oldtimers in the party ankled him for Kerry, and they were almost right...but they weren't. Things aren't as bad as they could be (the country is half full), but they are bad. One quick step down the right path - I don't know if there's any precedent of making a freshman Senator minority whip, but that sounds like a job for Obama to me.

And Howard? If you'd do me a favor and put Wesley Clark on speed dial, I'd be forever grateful.

Something, btw, must be done for the young campaign workers who toiled endlessly this election season, because of a second lesson: we must NEVER, EVER trust the youth vote EVER AGAIN. EVER. If they don't show up at campaign headquarters, we're just going to have to write them off until they wake up from the barrage of advertising and hormones that's throttling their maturity and sense of civil duty.

Those who did work their hearts out only to have those hearts stomped into the dust by a cruel election must understand – they will never be an inspiration to their peers, but they will always be an inspiration to us.

2. Hillary Clinton must never run for President.

Look what these people did to John Kerry, a war hero. Who in the South or West knows John Kerry? Nobody - he's a "liberal from Taxachussetts". But Hilary is a known factor - she's the Ice Queen, the She-Demon herself.

It doesn't matter that this reputation is wholly undeserved. It doesn't matter that this reputation was crafted because Hillary could be one of the greatest POTUS's ever - EVER - as in knock Teddy Roosevelt off Mount Rushmore and put her up there. It doesn't matter that this would be a terrible waste of one of the finest hearts and minds of our generation - Senator from New York must be our consolation prize...

...because how could we ask her to do it?

How could we ask her to step into that arena? It's too much to ask. We know what these people are capable of. That's why we must bear our burden and let Hillary know that she should never run for President.

And why, should she choose to run, we must fight for her with the last drop of blood in our bodies.

3. Bush is now legitimate.

The last four years were an aberation in American politics. We all know, it’s beyond rational dispute, that more people in Florida went to the polls to vote for Gore. He should have been President. But that changed last night. Last night the American people spoke clearly. Plenty of the electorate wasn’t there, but they never would have been. Those who cared, voted, more than ever. And they said: Bush.

So for good or for ill, George Bush is the 43rd President of the United States.

What have we done? This will be seen as one of the most spectacular mistakes of a people in history. It’s as if...

(God, I hate extended metaphors – for example, the fundamentalist Christian doctrine of the endtimes pegs the rule of the Antichrist at seven years. He’s given a mortal head wound, but the false prophet heals him, to the amazement of the world. The biblical description of the false prophet is uncannily Rovian. And most theologians think that the second three-and-a-half years are worst, so hey! only three more years to go!

I hate extended metaphors. But I digress.) if the American people sat at a table with Bush. All the world suffered because of this boor at dinner, who antagonized all with his table manners and rude jokes and constant degradations of fellow diners. But they remained silent, because everyone looked in pity at the American people, married to this incredible jerk.

But then the Muslim world brought the tab to the table, itemized with names like Abu Ghraib and Fallujah. Bush belched, wiped his mouth with his napkin and glanced idly at the American people. And in horror, the world watched as the American people picked up the tab and wrote: WE WILL PAY.

Why should the Muslim world view yesterday in any other way?

Bush is legitimate, and his mistakes are now America’s. It’s really going to get worse before it gets better.