Republican National Convention Schedule

Revised, July 2004 (sent to me by a good friend)

6:00pm - Opening prayer

6:15pm - Supplementary opening prayer

6:30pm - Prayer in thanks of first two prayers

6:45pm - New energy policy presented by Exxon

7:00pm - Canonization of Reagan

7:15pm - Additional prayers

7:30pm - Opening remarks by Halliburton

8:00pm - Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken "Kenny-boy" Lay

8:15pm - Additional remarks by Halliburton

8:30pm - Stoning of the first homosexual

8:45pm - New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente

9:00pm - Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)

9:15pm - Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party

9:30pm - Reagan elevated to savior, Holy Trinity now referred to as "the quads"

9:45pm - Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan

10:00pm - Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go fuck himself

10:15pm - Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: "Damn, the SOUTH is our ally. My bad.")

10:30pm - Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin

10:45pm - Dancing around the Granite Calf

11:00pm - Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual

11:15pm - New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser

11:45pm - Thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president

12:00pm - Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)

2:00 am - Hookers arrive for all delegates

Bush's AWOL Scandal

The Crisis Papers

This humble blogger was mentioned again regarding my recent post on Bush's military record. I'm honored.

It's pretty shameful that Bush has the pitiful record that he does in the military, and can't find it within himself to condemn the Swiftboat attacks on John Kerry. But then again, he has no conscience about sending other reservists off to die for reasons best used as birdcage lining.

If you can, write a letter to your local editor about this subject. Kerry had his shipmates on stage at the Democratic convention, but no one could claim a $10,000 reward to prove that Bush served his time in the Texas Air National Guard. This attack on Kerry is a disgrace, and Bush can't even bring himself to call it off. Tell someone about this!

Juan Cole: Outing Khan Helped Al-Qaeda Members Escape

Informed Comment

First, the Bush Administration hammers Pakistan to capture a High Value Target from al-Qaeda during the Democratic convention. When they don't, the Bushistas released the name of an al-Qaeda operative captured two weeks before the convention, on the very day that John Kerry accepts the nomination.

Yet this operative had been turned. He was being used to ensnare an entire cell of terrorists in London. So when his name hit the airwaves, the cell began to scatter. British police have arrested thirteen men, but five remain at large.

Furthermore, the British police may not have gathered enough evidence to convict the men they have. Two have already been released, and two are no longer being questioned about terrorism offenses.


George Bush and his gang of incompetents have sacrificed national and global security on the altar of their November election efforts. The blood from any act of terror committed by the escaped al-Qaeda cell members is on their hands.

How can these people sleep?

What Can $144.4 Billion Buy?

It bought us a war; it could have bought us...