Robertson Says: Vote No On Jesus

McSweeney's Internet Tendency

June 25, 2004

Fellow Christians,

The Second-Coming of Jesus Christ was a magnificent and joyous day for all. Interrupting a brand-new holiday episode of 7th Heaven with his divine electronic prowess, Jesus informed the world on the first night of Hanukkah that he would return on December 25, 2003, somewhere in Washington D.C. Cynics dismissed the announcement as a hoax, while the faithful flocked to churches everywhere in anticipation of Christ's reappearance. Doubts of His authenticity vanished on Christmas Day as He walked across the Potomac River and quietly addressed a breathless crowd gathering for the annual Anti-Kwanzaa rally at Christian Coalition headquarters. He connected with the masses as only Jesus can, mesmerizing on-lookers with profound messages of peace and hope. He outlined the steps necessary to steer the world toward a path of deliverance, stressing tolerance and compassion. With such virtuous ideals in mind, Jesus announced His intention to run for President of the United States. As President, Jesus insisted, He could rid the world of evil, unite humankind, end world hunger, and achieve eternal peace—shaping God's Land in the glorious image of Heaven.

And so it is with great sadness that I write this letter urging you to vote against Jesus Christ for President.

You know it's true. You know it.

John Kerry Asks George Bush Some Questions

John Kerry for President

“If George Bush wants to ask me questions about that through his surrogates, he owes America an explanation about whether or not he showed up for duty in the National Guard. Prove it. That's what we ought to have. I'm not going to stand around and let them play games.” -- John Kerry, NBC News, 4/26/04

Bush Has Said He Used No Special Treatment To Get Into The Guard. How Does He Explain The Fact That He Jumped Ahead Of 150 Applicants Despite Low Pilot Aptitude Scores?

Col. Albert Lloyd Said A Report >From Alabama To Ellington Should Have Been Filed. Where Is That Report?

Why Did Bush Miss His Medical Exam In 1972?

Where Are The Complete Results Of The Required Investigation Into Bush’s Absence From The Exam?

Why Did Bush Specifically Request To NOT Be Sent Overseas For Duty?

Why Does The White House Say Bush Was On Base When Bush’s Superiors Had Filed A Report Saying He Was Gone For A Whole Year?

Why Is The Pentagon Under Orders To Not Discuss Bush’s Record With Reporters?

Where Are Bush’s Flight Logs?

Why Hasn’t Bush Himself Demonstrated That He Showed Up For Service in Alabama?

This is not a road Bush wants to go down...

UPDATE: Liberal Oasis has more.

Saw It At The Smirking Chimp

A poster's signature quote:

"And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me." (Jesus, speaking to his disciples about the Bush administration, unaware that he was standing next to a live scribe)

Heeheeheeheehee.

Jordan Foils Al-Qaeda Attack

YahooNews

Are you paying attention, Mr. Bush? This is how you do it.