Fanatical Apathy's Generic Templete for 9/11 Public Testimony

Fanatical Apathy

THOMAS KEAN: Mr./Ms. [WITNESS], I'd like to welcome you to these hearings, and thank you for all the time you've already spent with us. I understand that you have an opening statement prepared...

WITNESS: Thank you, Commissioner Kean. [Heavy sigh, fiddling with glasses/papers.] I was, as you know, the [TITLE] of [OFFICE] from [DATE] to [LATER DATE/PRESENT]. During that time, I was responsible for [THINGS]. Before 9/11, you have to understand, my specific job did not involve [KEY THINGS THAT WOULD MAKE IT MY FAULT]. During the lead up to 9/11, I received several important warnings about Al Qaeda's plans and intentions, but my hands were tied, largely due to the fact that [I WAS NO LONGER IN OFFICE/ IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S RESPONSIBILITY/ DAMN THAT BUREAUCRACY] as well as [SIGNIFICANT AND SOON-TO-BE-REITERATED BUREAUCRATIC OBSTACLE]. Thank you.

KEAN: Mr./Ms. [WITNESS], thank you for your persuasive and complete statement. I only have one main question: Given that you knew [IMPORTANT CLUE TO 9/11 PLOT], why didn't you take some sort of action?

WITNESS: Well, I did take the action that was appropriate to my position. Also, I wasn't aware of [ANOTHER IMPORTANT DETAIL]. But after I'd mentioned it to [IMPORTANT FIGURE IN ANOTHER DEPARTMENT OR ADMINISTRATION], there wasn't much else I could do.
Other than not throwing in a lick at Gorelick, I'd say that the templete is depressingly accurate...